I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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