I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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