i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
