I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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