I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
