the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
