Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
