the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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