I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
