I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
