apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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