happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
