i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
