capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
