So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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