dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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