I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
