East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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