I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
