In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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