I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
