I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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