I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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