Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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