The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
