those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
