i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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