When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
