The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
