I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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