I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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