My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
