I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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