You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
