Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he fucked my hip out of place.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
