I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
