I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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