What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
