I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
