If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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