Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
