I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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