something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just invented taco cereal.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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