mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I touched a dick in church today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
