If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
