Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
