I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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