Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i now understand why vodka
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
