dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
