Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
