my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
