you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
