Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
