I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
