Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she smelled like a LAN party
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
