You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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